I debated a lot with myself about whether I wanted to weigh in on this “controversy.”
A few weeks ago, a man took a photo of a group of Black women wearing bonnets in the airport. “Ladies ya’ll gotta stop this shit I’m fed up1” he captioned the photo. “A whole flock of um I couldn’t even get them all.” I’m not resharing the photo.
Monique offered her opinion on the matter, saying if she sees you in public wearing a bonnet, she’ll tap you on the shoulder and tell you, “baby girl, you deserve more than what you’re showing.” Which is a little … much.
I feel like The Great Bonnet Debate trends on Black twitter at least once a year, and it always devolves. One side accuses the other of being ratchet and not having any pride if they wear a bonnet in public. The other side accuses the other of wanting to appeal to the white gaze if they have an issue with bonnets in public.
Black women are easily the most critiqued people in the world. We’re judged on our hair texture, judged for being “loud, angry, and aggressive,” judged for what we wear. People are so comfortable judging and debating our image as if were inanimate objects, many see no issue with the fact that a man posted a photo of complete strangers on the internet — without their consent — that ended up going viral.
I’m a firm believer in minding my business and not judging people for the choices they make in their personal life and what they wear. A person wearing a bonnet in public may be dealing with hair loss. They may have been in a rush and had no time to get dressed. Or, simply because they wanted to. Wearing a bonnet in public absolutely should not come with a slew of negative stereotypes, like being dirty.
A lot of the discourse around bonnets reeks of classism and respectability politics. But, a lot of it is also extremely intellectually dishonest.
I personally don’t wear bonnets to sleep (I prefer a satin lined cap) and I wouldn’t wear one in public. Some days I’ll wear a turban; I really want to learn how to tie a head wrap. But that doesn’t mean I’m trying to appease white people. Looking “presentable” — which is an extremely subjective term — is not exclusive to white people. Just like calling a Black person “articulate” is a backhanded compliment and actually a racist microaggresion, telling a person they’re giving into white supremacy because they like to leave the house looking a certain way is extremely problematic.
I also hate this narrative that having natural hair is always so unruly and difficult to manage. Yes, having kinky or curly hair is sometimes consuming. But so are a lot of other beauty and personal care routines women of all races put themselves through. Constantly labeling natural hair as inherently unmanageable just feeds the insecurities many Black women and girls have that there is something wrong with their hair. Learning your hair and figuring out a routine that works for you takes time but it isn’t impossible. Also, there are plenty of tutorials for quick and easy natural hairstyles on YouTube.
That being said, we don’t live in a utopia where no one is judged for what they are wearing — especially in certain work environments and industries. And this is across all cultures, races, and societies. Telling Black women it’s totally professional to wear a bonnet they would wear to bed in work meetings is not based in reality and could very well lead to negative professional consequences.
It doesn’t matter if it’s fair or not — it’s just the truth. I think instead of trying to normalize bonnets at work, we should be working instead to normalize natural hair as just as professional as straight hair. We should all also be working to make hair discrimination illegal on the federal level, too. (You can learn more about the CROWN Act and sign the petition here.)
As Black women, we have enough people judging us and telling us we should be a certain way. We shouldn’t be doing it to each other. Let women make the decisions they think are best for themselves — without prescribing someone’s personal actions onto an entire group of people.
playing soy
Playing Soy is my new weekly column about plant-based foods and going vegetarian. Each week, I’ll be writing about a new vegetarian food or recipe I’ve tried, and sharing tips on how to eat less meat.
The one thing I’ve really missed since I cut out meat is turkey. I was never a big eater of red meat or pork. But I love turkey burgers, turkey sandwiches, and turkey bacon. I’m always craving it and when I slip up and cheat, it’s usually always with turkey.
So you can imagine how happy I was when I saw that Dr. Praeger’s had a new veggie turkey burger on the market.
After my fiasco with the Beyond ground meat, I was a little wary of trying another burger that mimics meat. But I was definitely pleasantly surprised. Though the taste isn’t exactly like a real turkey burger, it’s close. It smells good and to me, the texture wasn’t too weird.
Before this, I didn’t realize veggie turkey burgers existed. I’ll be on the lookout for others to try.
unwinding.
📖 Things to read
I Visited A Former Plantation To Understand Why People Get Married There. All I Saw Was Pain.
She Died Working for Us’: Sons of Atlanta Victim Struggle to Move Forward
🍳 Things to cook
📺 Things to watch
Mare of Easttown (seriously watch this)
Thank you so much for joining the group chat. If you liked what you read, please share and subscribe. Leave a comment to let me know what you’d like me to discuss next week or products and services you’d like me to try.