This Week's Discussion: hair depression is real.
What's been blowing up the group chat this week.
when it’s more than just a bad hair day.
Three weeks ago, I had a meltdown and cried over my hair.
That seems dramatic, I know. Everyone has bad hair days, right? But for me, this felt way worse than just having a bad hair day — especially since I had just gotten my hair done and it looked really good. This was a familiar feeling for me, one that comes in waves ever since I started wearing my natural hair more than two years ago. I didn’t have a name for it until, while scrolling Instagram during my breakdown, I saw this post:
“Hair depression,” as defined by one of the women in the comments is, “not knowing what to do to your hair, feeling ugly, low confidence because of it.” While hair depression isn’t an official medical condition or term, it’s clearly something a lot of Black women have felt at some point. Reading through the comments, I finally felt validated. So many women described going through what I was going through. Some said they cut off all their hair; others said they’ve cried over their hair not turning out the way they expected; one woman says she always wears wigs because of hair depression; another said depression lead to her not caring for her hair at all.
Although natural hair is finally being normalized, Black women still face enormous amounts of pressure to always have perfect hair, no matter how they wear it. And when it’s not perfect, it causes many of us, like me, a lot of stress and self doubt. This is also connected to the stigma around mental health in general. For many, anxiety and depression makes seemingly basic tasks, like caring for your hair, seem insurmountable.
When I first began my natural hair journey, I had moments when I would look in the mirror and not recognize myself without straight hair and had no idea how to care for it. While I now have products and a routine that work for my coily hair, I still have pangs of frustration. This particular episode was triggered by, after getting my hair silk pressed, I noticed my hair thinning in one spot. I spend so much time taking care of my hair and this felt like a betrayal.
I also just snapped from the internal and external pressure of feeling like I had to straighten my hair. If you’re Black or Latinx, you know all about straightening your hair for special occasions, the implication that curly or kinky hair isn’t polished. Before this most recent silk press, the last time I had straightened my hair was over two years ago. In that timeframe, I’ve gotten comments like, “when are you going to straighten your hair?,” “you should straighten your hair once in a while,” and even, “I prefer straight hair.” (Would you ask a woman with straight hair when she was going to get an afro? Probably not.) I have pretty thick skin, but it’s exhausting when others treat how my hair naturally grows out of my head as some sort of political statement or a phase I’m going through.
Luckily, like it always does, the depression passed. I found comfort from supportive friends and online communities of Black women who have felt the way I do. I also went to the dermatologist, who concluded my hair loss is likely due to stress and the box braids I’ve been wearing, and with some medicated hair oil, I’ve already noticed improvements. Beyond the affirmations from others and the hair oil, I’ve been doing this new thing where I just don’t talk shit about my hair to myself or anyone else. I know one day, my bouts of hair depression will be few and far between. Until then, though, I’m no longer looking in the mirror and muttering about how tightly curled my hair is or how easily it gets frizzy. If my hair doesn’t turn out perfectly, I let it go and keep it moving.
And I haven’t had a bad hair day since.
Have you ever had hair depression? How did you overcome it? Let me know in the comments!
things to 📖 🎧 📺 this weekend
After West Side School Forces 4-Year-Old To Remove His Braids, Parents Ask: Why Are We Policing Black Children’s Hair? - Block Club Chicago
2 Immigrant Paths: One Led to Wealth, the Other Ended in Death in Atlanta - The New York Times
2021 Glamour Beauty Awards - Glamour
Through The Cracks: Relisha Rudd - WAMU
Still Processing: The N-Word - The New York Times
The Last Blockbuster - Netflix
Q: Into The Storm - HBO
Thank you so much for joining the group chat. If you liked what you read, please share and subscribe. Leave a comment to let me know what you’d like me to discuss next week or products and services you’d like me to try.
✨There won’t be a newsletter next week, as I’m taking some much needed time off.
Umm, that is currently me re: hair depression. Although I think it's just exhaustion from everything else (living during a pandemic) that makes the 2+ hour Wash Days something I've come to dread as of late. Really cannot wait to get back to my box braids!